Person
*Michael R. Curran*
As we grow up we meet special people who either stay in our lives forever or slowly grow away from you. People who we meet usually either have a good influence on you or either a negative influence on you. I have a special person who I have known for about seven years, I never really knew how special he actually was to me. I was never close to him til the last year, when him and I got together. Michael R. Curran is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and honestly I would be lost without him.
Michael is one of those people that everyone knows, and a person that everyone should know. Michael is a kind caring person who always puts other people before him. He doesn't care what or where he is, if someone needs help; he always trys to be there for his friends, family and even people that arn't on the top of his list. Ever since I can remember his main priority has been his family. He knows how to treat his family with respect. He isn't one of them type of boys who are ignerent and rude to his parents. He listens to them, and take's advantage of the time that he has with his family. His friends always comes next. He always has a shoulder to cry on when one needs one. He knows exactly what to say to make everything dissapear. He never neglects his friends, he makes sure that he spends time with them and he makes sure that he makes memories with them, memories that he would never forget when he is eighty years old. He is an all around amazing person, and I would be lost without him.
In the last year Michael has helped me come so far in my life. He has taught me to care about who I am and how I appear to be towards other people. I use to not care about school, I thought school was pretty much stupid. I got into alot of negative things for my body, and he snapped me out of what I was doing and helped me to be the person who I am today. Michael helps calms all my feelings and makes all my fears and worries dissapear. I honestly feel that I would be incomplete without him in my life. No, I am not just saying that because he is my boyfriend. This boy is more that that. He is family, my best friend, my hero and so much more.
Not only is he respectful but he is helpful. He is always there to help me when I'm having problems with either stupid school drama, parent crap or just having a horrible day. He is always here to comfort me and make everything okay again. I use to hold things in and never talk to anyone about my feelings. I'd bottle everything up and pretend that I was okay. Michael has taught me how to talk to him and let him know what I am thinking, feeling and why I feel that way. He has really helped me come along way in my life. He has helped me with school work so that I can persude in the career that I would like to do in the future.
Michael is an all around amazing person, and I would be absolutly lost without him. Anyone who doesn't know who he is don't know what they are missing out on. :]
1 comment:
Okaty, Katie, let's get to work. Have you had teachers who insisted on a certain number of words? That leads to padded writing--using more words than you need to get your meaning across, and that's the problem here. Let me take some of your material and make some cuts so you can see what I mean. Here's what I cut from your opener:
We meet people who either stay in our lives forever or slowly grow away from you. I have a person who I have known for about seven years, I never really knew how special he actually was to me til the last year, when him and I got together. I would be lost without him.
Now the middle:
Michael is a kind caring person who always puts other people before him--friends, family and even people that arn't on the top of his list. Ever since I can remember his main priority has been his family. He knows how to treat his family with respect. He isn't one of them type of boys who are ignerent and rude to his parents. He listens to them, and take's advantage of the time that he has with his family. His friends always comes next. He always has a shoulder to cry on when one needs one. He knows exactly what to say. He makes sure that he makes memories with them, memories that he would never forget when he is eighty years old.
And the end:
In the last year Michael has taught me to care about who I am and how I appear to be towards other people. I use to not care about school, I thought school was pretty much stupid. I got into alot of negative things for my body, and he snapped me out of what I was doing Michael helps calms all my feelings and makes all my fears and worries dissapear. I would be incomplete without him. He is family, my best friend, my hero and so much more. He is always there to help me when I'm having problems with either stupid school drama, parent crap or just having a horrible day. Michael has taught me how let him know what I am thinking, feeling and why I feel that way.
Anyone who doesn't know who he is don't know what they are missing out on. :]
So, a lot of repetition needed to be cut. You may not agree with all those cuts, but consider doing it when you write your next piece for me.
Post a Comment